Well I got my old job back. You know...processing food stamps and Medicaid...that whole bit. I feel so relieved yet so guilty. Am not sure why cause all the folks I work with are just great and worry more about our being happy than anything and this is is what I'm going to miss when the eligibility production becomes centralized. We are going to be managed under one unit for the whole state. I will miss working under a region as it has always been condusive for a very good and personable relationship with management. Budget cuts call for new measures and in order to fight the drowned economy, our department is cutting out middle management and furlough to alleviate the crisis. Knowing this it is why I had the sense of urgency to act now rather than wait. Since management is changing, I knew if I didn't let them know my concerns about being unhappy in my job, there may not be someone to confide in later that would be willing or have the time to take to adhere to my request and allow me to move back smoothly.
I tried to be positive. I thought I'd grow into my job of employment counseling but the counseling part is the part I liked the least about it. I don't want to even feel remotely in charge of guiding and directing people what to do. I can't even do a good job of this with my own teenage boys, so what business do I have doing it with the public? I thought I'd grow into it, but who was I kidding? Maybe it was just too much at the wrong time. It is hard emotionally to work with people who have so many problems and then also to come home and deal with your own. I have been emotionally exhausted, let me tell you.
Even though I know I asked for a job that was meaningful (to justify all the hours away from my daughter) and got it as my answer from that prayer I asked for so long ago, I know now it was not the answer I wanted. It did however teach me a lesson about myself. That I am still me. I am more of an independent person that likes to be in control of her work, not work to be in control of her. I admit when I was asked to take the job on I thought of it as a challenge and a growing experience. I grew, yes. But now I'm done. I am looking forward to going to work again, and am done with dreading it. I still would love to stay home with Savannah though, that will never change!
Anywho, with all that is going on in my life right now, it's great to have a little relief!
