Thursday, August 19, 2010


Praise God, the appraisal is in and now all we are waiting for is the underwriters. It is a bit nervewracking though. No one plans to be homeless after moving 1500 miles away.

I can't thank God enough for the many blessings, though I do forget them most of the time. Anyway, so excited, yet so nervous, so anticipating, yet so scared, so happy, yet so sad. A few of my co-workers told me their good byes today and I think this is really starting to set in - it will be hard and I will cry but there is much needed room in my book for a new chapter!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


The house is painted. The carpet is in. We are about 5 boxes away from being completely packed. Next week we hit the road. We are really getting excited....

But then there comes along an uncertainty of news that is left still lingering. We are waiting for the bank to inform us if they think the house is worth lending the money for. Not sure why they are waiting until the last week to decide this, but I guess they make the rules. Keep us in your prayers, buying a house today is tougher than it has ever been.

Guess we will wait and see...

Sunday, August 08, 2010


We have officially started packing. The boxes are stacking in the garage, the walls are empty, there is a mess all around and my kids know how easily I get agitated when the kitchen isn't spotless. Life is hectic however it feels good to go through things and organize the past 7 years in boxes. What I mean is I am enjoying seeing things come into a new life. I picture this wall hanging here or that one there. I remind myself of when or where we got each item. It is almost like going through a scrapbook.

This move is bittersweet. This is the first house we had together as a family, Savannah's first and only home. We put a lot of work into it - if you recall there was nothing but a lot full of dirt and we put the grass in and the landscaping, the sprinkler system and the fence, a lot of drywall and most of all a lot of love. There wasn't always happy times - no one's lives are perfect - but I only remember the good.

I admit moving isn't fun - there is an overwhelming feeling of finding more and more junk than what I know what to do with - and I am proud of myself for keeping it so contained and out of sight through out the years. On the other hand I love getting things cleaned out - and would like to do this more on a regular basis until waiting for a specific purpose such as this.

I am excited to see how things will develop. To see a different house turn into our home. I know it is just stuff but a person's stuff can define the life around it in so many ways. Stuff holds memories, personalities, and very precious pasts. Stuff like pictures, passed on parent's and grandparent's belongings, and wall paintings by the kids when they were little. Sure there is also memories in decorations too, such as the awesome wall clock your husband gave you for Christmas and not quite sure how he picks this stuff right of your head as to what you like. This place here is looking less and less like a home without our stuff and I didn't realize how much a difference it really made but it has been 7 years since we moved. I guess this is why I am so excited to picture it there.

I am a bit nervous yet anxious to get Savannah in her new school. I know we'll not be unpacked completely on that first day and we'll probably be scavenging boxes to find her school clothes, but I know it will all work out fine. I thought maybe I could talk Charlie into taking the day off to be with me to take her - I guess I have a bit of the same anxiety I had the first day back at home from the hospital after having her. I am feeling a bit nervous about leaving her with strangers yet here in Utah the people at the schools are just as much strangers (Savannah was to start at a new school anyway). I don't know why after living a while in a geographical area makes you feel like you know people when you really don't.

It is weird to think that there is only 2 weekends left here in Utah. I worry about driving to Wisconsin. I know the drive on I-80 will be a breeze, but after that well I have some studying to do! I am glad Jake will be with me to help drive if needed as well as for company. I know I can do it, I once drove to Seattle on my own with two little boys after coming off a really bad time in my life of doing drugs. Sure I got lost that day but all it took was a prayer and needless to say the Lord took me right where I was intending to go. He was with me then and He will be with me now. Besides, I'm my father's daughter. Who else will know how to study, read, and navigate a map better? (If you knew my dad at all you'd know he was always caught studying maps in his room.)

Why do I call it bittersweet? Sadly we are ending a chapter in life by moving away but nothing will be left behind - we are packing up 7 years worth of memories and taking them with us to add more!

Monday, August 02, 2010

On moving to Wisconsin

On what People say:
So many people ask, "Are you sure you want to move?" I respond with a "Yes!" But then I go home and start questioning myself based off what they say. I know that I'm as ready as I'll ever be. We've had almost 2 years now to prepare for this day. While we never banked on it happening, we did prepare that it was a very good possibility. I myself mentally prepared. A lot.

I get so many "You'll hate the winters" and "You'll miss the mountains" - sure these things may be true but there are so many things here that are just as discouraging. I won't go into the things I won't miss as I don't believe it is right to try and compare the two and make judgement of it without having lived in both places. After all the places that you find you like to live in isn't about the climate around you is it? Life on earth is much more deeper than these things.

I've had a couple people ask if I would follow Charlie if his job did end up out there. Well of course? I am married. Naturally why would I deny following? Sure I have a good job here, but I have not been happy with it. It served its purpose for the time in my life and was a big part of who I was and I am grateful for it. It gave me a lot of growth and stability for when I needed it most when I was a single mom, but things have changed. My life is no longer about my job.

On New Possibilities:
Yes I am excited that we found a beautiful house for a very good price and my husband has a permanent job continuing to do what he enjoys and will not have to face being laid off - but tangible blessings are not where my hope in happiness lies. My hope is always in the Lord and we have prayed and prayed about this move and He has been with us all along in this process. I want to our family to experience new people, new ways of life, and new culture - but not just through my own desire but through the will of God.

I've lived in Utah my whole life and I am and have always been very sheltered for which I think it has caused my growth to be slow in finding out who I am, who I want to be, and what I want to do in this life. I'm not saying I will find it all in Wisconsin, but that is where we are going for now. I do know there is going to be much spiritual growth for me during this time and for that I will be writing about in my other blog. After all you can't expect to grow in your relationship with the Lord without trials.

I am also looking forward to seeing Savannah grow as well, she is nervous but mostly about the possibility of cobwebs in the new house. (I think this was due to the many houses we looked at that had them.) I can't wait for her to meet new friends at school and at church.

On Family:
I am a family person, so I know this part will be the most challenging. I am leaving behind those that I love but that doesn't mean my love stays behind.

Charlie and I have talked about future possibilities that if Michael and Brooke are at a point after their life has settled with the baby and their schooling and if they both want to that they could move out there with us. So we plan to include them in our lives as much as possible.

My brother Matt - he is always there for me no matter what. I can tell him how I feel and he will never get offended and will always see my side of things. We are pretty close and he and I have a relationship and are very good friends. I am going to miss seeing his kids grow.

My sister Monica - she is so sweet and thoughtful and I really enjoy spending time with her and her family. I always feel at home with her. She is a couple hours away from where we live now but that doesn't stop us from getting together. Her son lives in Indiana, about 300 miles from where we'll be so we will get to see each other when she is out for a visit to see him.

My sister Tina - very generous and giving person and such a wonderful example of independence through emotional and physical inner strength. I regret I am not as close to her as I should be, but she has a busy lifestyle so I don't really see her a lot nor do we have a lot in common.

My brother John - he is so concerned for everyone and everything, he is so dedicated and loyal. He is such a good guy and I will miss being around him and reminiscing of past memories that he and I usually do.

My mom. This is a hard one. Because she is my mom. I know if this would have happened say 5 years ago there would be no question to my needing to stay. After dad died she was so lonely and needed us kids' support tremendously, but who wouldn't? Since then Randy has come into the picture and they have began building their own life and they are doing quite well but that is not to say I won't miss her. Of course I will but out of anyone coming to visit me I know she'll be the first.

My other two siblings - it is not like I am leaving them behind at all. Jennifer lives in Seattle and she and I converse mainly through Facebook now days. I see her maybe once a year but only for a day at a time so our relationship will not change much. Marty and I are estranged, but not by my choice. He lives in Idaho and I can't remember the last time I saw him and I don't think he will miss something that is not there.

My grandparents are all gone, I don't spend time with my aunts or uncles either. We used to. We really did, but I think when the grandparents left and the majority of grandkids were grown - family time became less important and no one was dedicated to making it happen any longer. I thought about it. About planning and having a family reunion, but that was as far as it went. Sad huh?

We will all miss you and love you very much, but you will never be forgotten. I will try to make as much effort as possible to visit - this too was also a long discussion between Charlie and I before we made this decision and I informed him that we may need set aside emergency funds for airfare for me in addition to regularly planned visits so that I can go at the whim if needed. I only pray for your support and am excited to see what the future holds.

So there you have it. I have prepared for all of these emotions and feelings upfront and am curious to see how they will continue after our move. Jacob, Savannah, the dogs and cats and I are officially out of here on August 27th off to start our new life in Wisconsin. We are looking forward to being together again!