I called Michael tonight, sounds like he's enjoying the work so far, but it is only his first day. He got to operate a driving lawnmower and a weed wacker, said the chicken house stinks to high heaven, and is practicing his driving on his learner's permit using a standard transmission in a truck. That made him feel pretty cool, being a guy and all. He's suffering allergies worse than ever because of it, so we'll have to get him some prescription strength drugs. I feel bad that the bed he gets to sleep in is much softer and comfortable than the bed Mom and Dad gave him a couple years ago. Maybe we will have to get him a new matress or he won't want to come back. I feel much better talking to him and hope he'll be the one to call me next...we'll see though.
Empty nest syndrome? So I'm feeling down today. You'd think it was becuase of Dad being gone and it being the day after Memorial Day weekend, but it was because yesterday we dropped off Michael to his uncle's house. Luckily his counselor felt it would a good idea for us to maintain some quality time with him at least once a week and for us that will mean on the weekends being it's such a trip back and forth. Although it feels as if he's 18 and going away forever, he's only going to be gone one week at a time. It's weird though. Last night I felt as if a part of my existence went with him. I can't explain what it's like to those of you that are not mothers.
I hope this will prepare me for when the real thing happens with not only Michael, but with Jacob and Savannah as well. I know that as a parent we can get wrapped up in our own personal, professional, and parental life with the many schedules to meet that sometimes we take for granted that our kids will always be there. For now I will miss seeing him at the bus stop in the morning, I will miss picking him up from tutoring, I will miss hearing him rustle around in his room, and I'll miss his help around the house and with Savannah. I only wonder if he misses me as much as I do him. I had the urge to call him last night around bedtime, but held back.
I need to remember this time is for his own good and in some ways for mine. In order for kids to grow, they also need space. But how do you live with someone from the time they were born up to now and just let them go without an aching heart? I think about the future when all the kids will be gone and am thankful that I do have a husband near me. Only three short years ago I wouldn't have known better and thought I would be alone in that time, and today I am glad I won't be. Thank you Charlie, for finding me and becoming a part of our lives. You have helped us so much and I have never felt like I've had a stronger family bond than I do with you. I know you miss Michael too, and that feeling is priceless to me being that he never had anyone other than myself care for him like a parent.
No comments:
Post a Comment