I miss my Grandma

As I hear the old time Christmas music I miss my Grandma Johnson and am sad to be reminded that I'm no longer a kid. My missing her always starts with Halloween and ends through Christmas. I miss her all the time but the seasons of fall and winter I miss her the most. I hope she knows I am missing her and I hope she knows that I feel bad I didn't spend more time with her when I should have. I was always so bashful as a kid I never talked to her or got to know her then and when I was grown up I never made the time to see her as often as I could have. Why is it that I think of her more now than when she was here just two cities away for me to visit? She could have used the company too, she was so lonely that she even called me once to see if I still had her Titanic movie I borrowed and returned the week before just as a means to have a reason to call and strike up a conversation. So I feel guilty that I miss her now. She was a perfect person in my mind and I think I felt awkward being around her cause of all the things I did or didn't do in my life. She is an angel and I miss her. If you could see all the wonderful things she made with her hands for each of her kids, grand kids, and great grand kids you would be astonished! Afghans, quilts, dresses, Barbie clothes, ceramics, cross-stitch, you name it! I wish I would have kept those things she made from when I was little. At least I still have my afghan and dish towels she hand crafted. Those things are and will always be irreplaceable. Christmas when I was little was so magical and she made it that much more special. What's even more magical is something that happened after my Grandpa passed on seven months after my Grandma did. My aunt had called us grandkids up to let everyone know they were free to look in the house to see if there was anything we wanted to keep. I had my eye on something back when Grandma and Grandpa were still alive so naturally I would look for it. You see, Grandma had started putting grandkid's names on different knick knacks of hers in the later years as she had them in mind for when she passed on for them to keep to remember her. I knew she hadn't picked anything out for me yet and so every time I went over to visit them I would look at the little stuffed Bambi on on the shelf amongst the hundreds of other things she had and tought to myself, "I wonder if Grandma would mind me asking for that." I only wanted it cause it always made me think of her. I don't know if it's because her name was Fawn or if just watching the old movie with the old music reminded me of her or what, but I never got up the nerve to ask and just kept checking back when visiting to see if it was still in its place. So after Grandpa died, I was rummaging through the pile that was left on the floor of their living room to see if anything caught my attention that I would want to keep that would remind me of them. (I couldn't believe that someone just threw everything off the shelves and dumped it on the floor!) After a while I found on the very bottom the little stuffed Bambi. I was so excited, I thought, "Wow, no one wanted her stuffed Disney characters?" (She had ALL of them!) But then I looked around at the pile and actually they were all gone except for that Bambi. I knew right then and there someone had listened to my wish and now I have the Bambi adding to the magic she created holding my her memory of her dear to my heart - thoughtful, loving, and always unselfish.



One of the best pics of my Grandma's smile!