Dad

Work has been "uber" busy. I think that is the word anyway. Got it from my sister. She always says silly stuff. But anyway, I have been needing to write so much and well this is what happens when you get involved in too many things at once....Facebook, 2 additional blogs, work, Bible Study, Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class, kids, husband, pets, errands, friends, and to add to that list housework that never ends.

Even though I may not have the time to write, I do have the time to store it all in my head. It's getting it all out the way I want to that is hard. Anyone got some extra RAM for my brain?

Today I am remembering and thinking of many things...vividly in my mind I:

See the cornstalks, beanstalks, and other abundance amount of produce growing in the garden from the kitchen window...

Hear the radio playing old country in the garage...

Listen to the sound of old time TV shows on in the background...

Still wonder what he really thought and felt about things and why he was so private...

Long to hear hear his voice...

Will never go to a rodeo without feeling he is there by my side...

Cannot smell a weed fire without thinking of him...

Cannot take a road trip without thinking of him...

Will always remember the last movie we saw together...

Will always remember the last place he sat at my house...

Will always remember him fixing the fender on my car...

Never forget how he wanted me and the boys to stay at home on Christmas in 2000...

Lunch he and I had at Coachman's...

Him going with me to court for support while my kids were in state custody...

His love for taking pictures...

Remember what his tools look like...

Can still feel our last hug and silent "I love you's" that was said...

Remember how funny it was that he thought Charlie resembled Radar from MASH...

Visiting him at work and him smiling and speaking in Spanish to the other guys about me...

Am reminded of him just from the smell of dirt, fertilizer, and yes, cow manure...

Will never watch American Graffiti the whole way through without crying...

Am so happy that he was able to stop drinking when he did so I could get to know the real him...

- These are just some of the things that I think of differently of now that I didn't before 5 years ago -

My dad was a man of the earth and he made much from the earth but he also had a deep soul with a quiet spirit that he very rarely shared with me. I admit that at times I feel jipped that I only got a glimpse of a relationship that never was fully formed, but I also know that things happen for a reason and that it is only a short time in reality that we are away from each other during the death and separation. The grieving is beneficial in that it gives purpose to draw nearer to God and to your family. Why then do have we dwindle apart as a family? He and my grandparents wouldn't want it this way, would they?

It is hard for me to believe that he would be anywhere but heaven. If you were to judge his life based from the aching in my heart of love I have for him, you would give him the most beautiful crown there is. I miss you dad and I am so happy when you come to see me in my dreams. I love your warm hugs and can't wait to see you again!