Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Feeling melancholy today

Don't you hate when you have that sort of melancholy depressed feeling? Like there's nothing inside of you and you don't know why? Maybe it's the lack of sun in the sky or that time of month, but I think I have an idea. I guess after writing to my old best friend and her not saying much other than a quick "Hello" back, I just realize how lonely I am and especially at my current situation. I have not made new friends here at work and the one that has really good potential is currently friends with another person that I don't care for. So in order for me to get close with her, I'd have to with the other since they are both on my team and both hang out together. I still keep in touch with my friend from my old office with email and messaging, but it is not the same without seeing her in person. Recently I did have an offer from another friend to visit some joint friends of ours who now live in Montana, but I don't feel comfortable leaving my family behind for a week to vacation without them so having friends outside of work time is hard unless you are willing to make sacrifices at home.

At home my husband is gone in the evenings so my best friend isn't there either and maybe that is why I am feeling so much more this way than I have in the past. It's only been a month since he started swing shift, so I think this feeling of loneliness is just really setting in and that is why I am noticing it now. He's got a good lead to a day time job even though he loves where he works now. I hate for him to give it up but as of recent Michael has been having some issues that require both of our attention so we are thinking Charlie's being gone in the evenings is not such a good idea and we only have another year left until Michael turns 18. Savannah and Jake both seem to be happier when we are all together as well, so in many ways I hope he gets that job, and in others, he deserves the one he already has.

I read in an article last night that women are more healthy who socially exercise, in other words go out of their comfort zone and keep a social life with other women no matter how much they don't want to. I'm sure if I were a memeber of a religious assembly, I would get more social interaction, but I'm not looking to be a social butterfly or run the relief society. I know I need to make more of a conscious effort doing this, but I'm not good at it and like to take my time getting to know people one at a time. I am also the type of person that just likes to have only one good friend. But the part about that is that it is unhealthy for me to want to have that one friend to myself and not to share. Why I'm like that, I'll never know. I see the same trait follow in Michael too.

But why should I be complaining? I have siblings and other family nearby. I think to myself and put myself in Charlie's shoes with no one around he can call family that doesn't belong to mine. I shouldn't be so sad and feel so sorry for myself. I think this is just something I've always battled as far as my personality goes but it bothers me so little that I never do anything about it. For example, Charlie has often said that he wishes we had another couple to be friends with and up until now I never really felt the urge to have them too. We talked about meeting up with some other couples in our neighborhood for BBQ's this summer but we have yet so I hope this year will be different. We were supposed to visit my sister in Tremonton this past weekend but didn't make the 2 hr trip due to the snow. Maybe it is just the weather afterall that is causing my gloominess, maybe not. Maybe the sense of loneliness is even more so since my my mom is visiting my other sister in Seattle and they are both not close at hand for me to chat with, I dunno but I'm sure it will pass.

Now that I've bored you all, back to work I guess.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Poor little Boo

Here I am, day off of work for President's Day enjoying pretending I'm a regular stay at home mom and what happens? Savannah gets hurt. I would think this stuff would happen to her when she's not in my care, but it turns out I'm not the world's best mother after all. Even though she runs around the house barefoot at home everyday, this didn't happen until today. Our future bathroom that is currently used as our "tool room" has all our storage for supplies to work on the basement including tools, lumber, wires, paint, you name it and she snuck by me and went in there to retrieve a toy of hers that she could see hidden away in the back. I guess a light fixture had dropped and broke a while back and not all the glass was swept away. Poor girl, now she has a piece of glass in her foot that I can't get out and will have to take her to the doctor in the morning since it happened just as her pediatrician's office was closing. I had to keep her from walking on it all night in order to keep whatever's in there from going any deeper so needless to say she and I watched a lot of Elmo, played with Legos, and read a lot of books to keep preoccupied.

I think it's past time to nail something temporary up until we can sheetrock to keep her out of there for good. This isn't the first time she's gone back there, but usually to play with stuff she wasn't supposed to. So I'm glad all that happened was a sliver in her foot. I've heard so many horror stories on the news lately of kids dying from TV's falling on them or chest of drawers that anything could have happened. We parents just don't have enough eyes in the back of our heads, even though I'd like to think I do. My own fault though, our basement isn't exactly baby proof or toddler proof either, not for now. I will be so glad when our basement has walls!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Friends: Old and New

So I looked up my old best friend from school and wrote her a letter. I am so happy that she wrote back. I only wish she and I were still close, I miss that. I am not good at making new friends and it seems that when I do make them, something gets in the way and either I change something in my life, they move away, or our jobs change and are forced to be separated. So I guess I'm feeling a little blue about not having a best girlfriend near by. And not getting to be around my sisters adds even more to the void I'm feeling. I don't see them; two of them live too far away and the other one is too busy to spend time with, so I guess I'm glad I have all of you girls to visit whenver I need a friend fix.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Note to self...

Don't drink coffee when you have a two hour drive ahead of you. Yes, this was my morning commute. So if Salt Lake County is helping Davis County with snow plowing, who is helping Salt Lake County? Obviously not Utah County, no. Just cause we have no snow down there doesn't mean that the people up north that do, don't need your help. Freak people, it snowed all night and you're just going to sit on your but and watch American Idol while switching in between commercials to see what's happening in the Olympics? I'm sure you would be compensated for helping out, even if it is not your county.

Can I tell you that driving a stick for 24 miles at 5 miles an hour on the freeway is so totally not worth this job? Good thing I don't do it everyday. Had it been bad around my house, I would have considered not trying it. I didn't see any accidents though, so yeah it was a safe drive. WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO 5 MILIES AN HOUR, SURE IT'S SAFE!

On a brighter note, I still think to myself what it would be like for the pioneers that didn't have warm cars, snow plows, or even a job in the winter. Am I an optimistic person or what?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


So the other day I was showing Savannah the pictures hung above at the end of the hallway that she is too short to see. She often asks me to lift her up so she can look at the myriad I put together of our family during 2003-2004 and points out where the baby is. One of the pictures is of my dad holding her when she was a newborn, the only we have of him with her. When I was asking her who everyone was she would point out "Kiki" for Muffers, "Bye-dup" for Michael and Jacob, "Dada" for Daddy, "Beebee" for herself, and then she pointed at my dad and said, "Boppa." I was so washed over with amazement that I tried to get her to say it again. She didn't, but somehow I believed she knew his name by herself. Either that or maybe we just talk about him so much or have shown her that picture so much and telling her that it is "Grandpa" to her that she just knows it. But I like to believe that she remembers him or knew him in some other way we can't comprehend.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine's Day

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day. It was so nice to go out with Charlie, it was like we were dating again! We saw the movie Walk the Line, which was VERY good. He also surprised me with roses and a cute love lion that Savannah ended up dragging around for a day.

How exciting! (It's been how long since we've went out?) And to actually have him ask me out is even more romantic! So he's decided we'll eat at Cafe Rio, a famous little Mexican grill that has WONDEROUS food, and go to a movie. What's more, it was his suggestion to see a love story flick....anyone have any ideas what's playing out there that would be good? I like romantic comedies myself.