Don't you hate when you have that sort of melancholy depressed feeling? Like there's nothing inside of you and you don't know why? Maybe it's the lack of sun in the sky or that time of month, but I think I have an idea. I guess after writing to my old best friend and her not saying much other than a quick "Hello" back, I just realize how lonely I am and especially at my current situation. I have not made new friends here at work and the one that has really good potential is currently friends with another person that I don't care for. So in order for me to get close with her, I'd have to with the other since they are both on my team and both hang out together. I still keep in touch with my friend from my old office with email and messaging, but it is not the same without seeing her in person. Recently I did have an offer from another friend to visit some joint friends of ours who now live in Montana, but I don't feel comfortable leaving my family behind for a week to vacation without them so having friends outside of work time is hard unless you are willing to make sacrifices at home.
At home my husband is gone in the evenings so my best friend isn't there either and maybe that is why I am feeling so much more this way than I have in the past. It's only been a month since he started swing shift, so I think this feeling of loneliness is just really setting in and that is why I am noticing it now. He's got a good lead to a day time job even though he loves where he works now. I hate for him to give it up but as of recent Michael has been having some issues that require both of our attention so we are thinking Charlie's being gone in the evenings is not such a good idea and we only have another year left until Michael turns 18. Savannah and Jake both seem to be happier when we are all together as well, so in many ways I hope he gets that job, and in others, he deserves the one he already has.
I read in an article last night that women are more healthy who socially exercise, in other words go out of their comfort zone and keep a social life with other women no matter how much they don't want to. I'm sure if I were a memeber of a religious assembly, I would get more social interaction, but I'm not looking to be a social butterfly or run the relief society. I know I need to make more of a conscious effort doing this, but I'm not good at it and like to take my time getting to know people one at a time. I am also the type of person that just likes to have only one good friend. But the part about that is that it is unhealthy for me to want to have that one friend to myself and not to share. Why I'm like that, I'll never know. I see the same trait follow in Michael too.
But why should I be complaining? I have siblings and other family nearby. I think to myself and put myself in Charlie's shoes with no one around he can call family that doesn't belong to mine. I shouldn't be so sad and feel so sorry for myself. I think this is just something I've always battled as far as my personality goes but it bothers me so little that I never do anything about it. For example, Charlie has often said that he wishes we had another couple to be friends with and up until now I never really felt the urge to have them too. We talked about meeting up with some other couples in our neighborhood for BBQ's this summer but we have yet so I hope this year will be different. We were supposed to visit my sister in Tremonton this past weekend but didn't make the 2 hr trip due to the snow. Maybe it is just the weather afterall that is causing my gloominess, maybe not. Maybe the sense of loneliness is even more so since my my mom is visiting my other sister in Seattle and they are both not close at hand for me to chat with, I dunno but I'm sure it will pass.
Now that I've bored you all, back to work I guess.
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