Confessions of an ex-druggie...

There was a point and time in my life that I self medicated my life with alcohol. Yes I was and what's weird is that during the time, I easily admitted that I was. But to admit I was using illegal drugs was another story. I used to use meth and marijuana on almost a daily basis but I hid the fact that I was a drug "user," especially for the meth. I guess because it is man made and really made me feel the most evil. I was so good about staying away from it even when I was asked to try it over and over again, but stupid me after getting stoned one night I let my guard down.

I was in denial that I even did drugs at all because I was so embarrassed of myself and didn't want to acknowledge what I was doing. But now, almost 8 years later I feel comfortable talking about it. I think that it is because I am 100% sure that I will never use again and that I have been successful in life for a long period of time. I don't feel I was addicted to meth, but I did use as long as it was around which was a lot since my ex-husband had become a dealer and started bringing all kinds of trash around. The times when I came down from an overnighter on meth always cured me until the next time it was offered it to me usually at a party, but I NEVER went looking for it because I needed to get high. I guess I was what you consider a social drug user and especially so since this all happened during the time I was most vulnerable and felt alone after my husband left me and our marriage was ending. I felt the need to have company and sought empathy and direction and when I was using the drug is when I felt most strongest emotionally. I had become an addict of self medication.

I was lucky in that I had kids and didn't want my lifestyle to be overpowered by drugs and was able to keep that vision, and I've never liked drastic changes in my life. A lot of other people I knew at that time didn't. In fact, two people ended up killing themselves. What does that say? This stuff should not EVER enter the body, it kills and destroys all your emotions and self esteem, I don't care what anybody says. My ex used to tell me, "Once a tweeker, always a tweeker." It was then that I knew he had decided to give his life to this crap. I'm so thankful for every day I have now, I don't know that if I would have been around it too much longer that I could have gotten out of it myself, so thank you God, thank you for listening to my prayers.

I was reading this information from a work newsletter that was published to help our staff identify the customers who may be victims of meth. They explained it all so well I wanted to share this with you. I hope you or your loved ones never come across this drug and that someday it will be completely gone off the face of this earth. But until then, it's good to be educated. I wasn't. I found out the hard way. As for my ex? Well he's in prison, but doing better there than in the real world. People can't quit until they want to, and unfortunately he didn't and I needed to move on in life and quick regardless if there was any inkling of hope left for his sobriety or our marriage. That is when I quit hanging around him and the drugs and eventually became an alcoholic and went to the mental ward due to untreated depression. To some people, divorce is not accepted, but in the end it saved myself and my kids from drowning under the demon's power of meth.

"An 1100% increase in a feeling of happiness--that's what methamphetamine does to the brain of a first-time user. Yes, you read that correctly: eleven hundred percent increase. That's why meth is usually so addictive after only one single, experimental use.

Dopamine is a chemical released by the brain that is related to our feeling of happiness in association with endorphins. When we eat, we experience a 50% above-normal feeling of happiness that dopamine generally provides. (Of course, we're not saying how much that level increases when we eat chocolate!) When someone smokes, she experiences a 150% increase in pleasure. Sex causes a 200% increase; cocaine a 300% increase; and meth causes the whopping 1100% increase already mentioned.

Brain cells become less and less responsive with repeated doses of meth so a user needs more and more of the drug to continue to feel good at the same level as previously. Former pleasurable activities no longer make a user feel good: only increasing amounts and/or frequency of usage of the drug cause a high.

Methamphetamine can be found as "ice," "glass," or "crystal" in its hardened form. It also is frequently seen in a powdered form in varying colors due to the chemicals that have been used to make it. It usually is not found in a very pure form, and the toxic chemicals associated with meth lead to many health issues. Normally, the body stores toxins in fat cells; however, in the case of meth, the body tries to release the toxic substances through the skin.
A common characteristic is for a meth user's body temperature to increase, sometimes extremely, causing profuse sweating that reduces normal sebaceous oils on the user's skin which then leads to skin deterioration. Coupled with this is the body's attempt to rid itself of harmful chemical toxins. These conditions create sensations that the user's skin is on fire and/or has bugs under it. These bodily responses cause itching and resultant scratching that leads to sores, which frequently become infected. These sores are called "meth bugs." Users will often be seen repeatedly scratching or picking at sores on their arms and face during an office appointment.

The environmental effects of meth production and related activities cause serious concerns for everyone. For every pound of meth that is cooked, there are five pounds of very toxic waste that need to be discarded. Meth producers don't care where or how this waste is dumped. In addition to this, anyone living in close proximity to a meth lab--such as in an adjacent apartment--is at high risk for suffering physical ailments from these toxic fumes. Toxins can seep into sheetrock, studs, carpet, etc. Meth has a smell that is best described as "very strong cat urine."

Customers often become paranoid generally in one or more thinking patterns including: "the government is after me," someone is stealing my stuff," or "everyone is against me and everyone is corrupt." Other users become obsessed with certain ideas especially that people are "possessed by the devil." When they have this obsession, they can do something violent.
Because a substance such as meth has such a strong effect on normal brain function, addicts tend to make choices based on something different than consequences. Having their benefits delayed, their financial grant reduced, or their case closed is not really a deterrent or a consideration in their behavior. They are being driven by a stronger need to once again experience that "wonderful" high.

Meth also causes an increased level of serotonin which leads to reduced hunger, difficulty in sleeping, and anger issues. Meth addicts frequently do repetitive acts such as pending. When they are using, they will go through a very elated period where they may participate well in their employment plan, attend all required appointments, etc. When they go through their crash period, they suffer dysphoria (anxiety & unease), depression, and anhedonia (absence of pleasure). They don't appear to care about anything including their own physical well-being.
As with any addiction, environmental triggers are a huge issue. If someone truly desires to give up meth, it almost always takes a change in habits and environment including people, places, activities, and tangible physical things. The strong addictive effects of meth stay in the brain for two years because it takes that long for normal brain chemicals to become re-established. It takes seven years to completely come off of meth.

Meth is increasingly found in small towns and rural areas. Some highly organized meth rings target rural areas. Meth can now be cooked in a duffel bag or a large briefcase so it is able to be produced virtually anywhere."