#13 - I am thankful for my husband. My husband came to me as a result of prayer. Maybe his prayer, maybe mine, maybe both. I had maintained happiness and self sufficiency living as a single mom for a couple of years when he and I met. I never dated or really went out nor did I had the desire to. I admit I would get lonely off and on but in no way was ready to get near a relationship and so I stayed away from meeting new people all together. Probably not the best way but I figured I had enough of a social life during going through my divorce that I had plenty for a while. And if you know me I'm not a social butterfly to begin with.
After being financially stable for a while, I decided to make one of my first major purchases. It was a computer that was built by a good friend. I always wanted a computer and was so excited. Shortly thereafter I enrolled in college to finish working on my degree I had started 4 years prior. I thought it would be good that I could access online courses after coming home from work and still be with my boys. I would stay up late off and on doing homework and sometimes messed around on Pogo.com to amuse myself. It was August and after a long night I decided to register and visit MSN Chat just for the fun of it to see what it was all about. No sooner than I had done this, Charlie had messaged me telling me he liked my picture. Given all the slum I got from the other umpteen people at the moment I logged on, I didn't think anything of it and thought "Oh great, another one trying to get me to come to look at their web cam or something stupid." When I replied to him, after looking at his profile of course, I told him "Thanks" but didn't believe he was being serious. I looked at his profile over and over thinking to myself that he is probably just a regular guy, but I wasn't adamant about finding out either.
Charlie wouldn't actually converse with me online at that point, he would simply type lyrics to songs and add note emoticons to show that he was "singing" to me. I thought it was cute but didn't get why he continued this way. I thought it was odd that he wasn't trying to get answers from me regarding stupid questions that dealt with my fantasies or something. Nothing was really progressing at that point to keep me interested so when it got pretty late I logged off. I mentally logged his user name "Senti-Chaz" in my head in case I ran across him again if I were ever to log back in the future.
About a week later I got bored and logged on the chat site again. To my surprise I found him online again. I decided I didn't really want to talk to anyone else, they were so boring and fake. So I messaged him and reminded him of our meeting from the last time. He remembered me. This time we started to get to know each other. One of his first questions was if I was an online gamer for Ultima Online and of course I gave him a big fat no and "what is UO?". At that point I didn't think he was interested in me any longer but I was wrong. We conversed about our jobs, our interests in music and the crazy stuff we've done in the past and ended up moving to each other's MSN Messenger favorites list. Our relationship then existed online after work and in between my school work every day and all weekends. I don't even remember what we talked about but it was everything past, future, present, and then some.
It was cool. Of course I thought it was odd that he didn't have a home phone and he put it bluntly that he never had a need for one. This I found interesting in that he was somewhat of a recluse, the same as me but I admit I also worried that he secretly was living in his mother's basement and smoking dope out on their back porch when they weren't home. Or that he was terrible with money and couldn't get a phone in his name. But I was wrong. His profile was 100% accurate - "What you see is what you get" as his motto was stated. Looking back it was neat that he would call me from a pay phone from the gas station down the street from his apartment until his phone was hooked up.
I was pretty excited as time went on to find out that we had so many of the same dreams and values and best of all he has a desire to be close with God just as I have and I never knew that a man like that really existed. I love that he can go to a play with me one night and to karaoke the next. That he can switch the radio dial from AC DC to classical to the old country my dad listened to. And that he knows each performer's name, the song, and date that the music came from. I love that he can relate to me, that he knows from his own experiences of what it's like to "self medicate" or what it's like to feel like a loner or outsider. We really connect more than anyone knows.
Like I said in the beginning, I did pray for him - in that a couple of months prior to meeting him, I asked God that if I do find a man, that he be involved in "church" in some way or fashion. I didn't specify in my prayer of how this man would be participating in or what type of church and figured God knew what I meant as He knows me. I knew I had made bad choices in the past with men that have no value system at all, nor did I ever realize what I desired in a man until now. During the last 6 years with Charlie I still believe he was "hand picked" for me and I for him. God knew we had a need for each other.
Charlie is genuinely talented with a gift of a voice that I have never heard before. I love to hear him sing. Being in a former band as the lead singer and pianist, I found him often writing songs for me when he was still living in Wyoming. He'd spend his thoughts doing this while he would work and said that I was his inspiration. After moving to Utah he struggled off and on with finding a band where he could express himself and continue to utilize his talents. There were a few, but they didn't last. He eventually realized he was too old for spending his weekends up practicing in garages or basements with dope heads. So he thought if he found a Christian band it be more worthwhile for what he wanted to do and why. After getting to know the band, he found the people there did not have the same desire for creating new found music and lyrics to express his emotions to God.
After Charlie received many prompts from God over and over to go to church, we started to go to a nearby fellowship group for services. Being raised LDS I have only experienced church services that were dogmatic with very little stimulation so I instantly realized I would be exposed to a whole new way of worshiping. I wasn't sure about it all but trusted Charlie and the fact that it was a non-denominational group encouraged me to know there would be no pressure to "join" or to cult with them as if that was their only challenge or lot in life. The church had a small worship team and Charlie felt it was a place where we were put for a reason. To put it in the words God spoke to him, "Grow where you are planted." Since that first day, he has helped the worship team off and on with sound and filling in here and there by guitar or piano. He has learned that if he is patient, there is potential for growth when the time comes for him to do more. I admit that we had some personality conflicts with others there and stopped going for a while but now are back in the game. Charlie doesn't feel led to go to different church and I feel the same way and hope I am encouraging for him to be patient this time around. Just recently he shared with me a beautiful song that he had written and kept in his head. It is amazing that he does all this without his piano by his side or a pad of paper to write the lyrics down. Amazing.
Life hasn't always been peachy with my music man though. We have our ups and downs. Our personalities usually compliment each other, his being more outgoing and creative, mine being more conservative and quiet. While he hyper focuses on life's events, I just soak them up and then wait to take action. Sometimes we have conflicts I admit and have had close encounters with separating but both realize that is not the answer. No matter how eccentric he can be the teddy bear inside that I fell in love with will always be there.
Charlie was there for me when my Grandma died, just 6 months after we had met. He was there when my Grandpa died 7 months later and again when my dad died 7 months after that. Had I been alone through these things I don't know that I would have gotten through like I did. I am still mourning my dad and Charlie is always there to listen to my tears and frustrations even if I can't explain exactly what I am feeling or why. He has also been there with my heartache with our runaway teenage son. our pet dog dying, and Savannah and her breathing spells. He was there when Savannah's elbow came out of the socket a couple of Thanksgivings ago. He comforted her as she cried in pain and he knew exactly what to do until we got to the ER. I on the other hand was helpless.
He's been there for the good things too - upgrade after upgrade on our house he has come up with most of the ideas and motivation to move forward on them. We shared in picking our trees, talking about roses, re-picking trees after our dog used them for a chew toy. He spent a lot of time teaching the boys all about installing a sprinkler system and how to hang dry wall. They loathed the lessons but someday they will use what he has taught them! He has shared and pursued his dream hobby with me as an aquarist and has taught me a lot from seeing his passion and his genuine interest in one of life's amazing miracles.
Charlie was there from the minute we found out we were expecting. He was there for every appointment and would meet up with me to attend prenatal class each week after work. He would rub my belly with lotion and rub my feet and back when I was in pain. He would harvest my every craving at a moments notice. He read Green Eggs & Ham to my belly and keep his head close to it at night. He was there emotionally and physically. He was also genuinely concerned. One of his worries was of the baby going through labor and be subjected to medication from the epidural. I never really thought before to try to go through labor without medication so the baby would be alert and awake when she was born. And after we talked about it, I realized it was something important to him and therefore became important to me as well. He encouraged me to go natural and I did! It was an experience I'll never forget and am glad I had it. I still remember his loving and worried face there in my view - the only thing I could focus on while in my worst pain. I cannot explain the bond that I felt with him at that moment and at the moment when she finally arrived. He is such a good dad to this day too. He is involved with her and interacts with her every day - something that Michael and Jacob never knew existed. Her favorite time with Dad is when he plays dive bomb on the bed with her. She just loves it when he carries her around like a "sack of 'tatoes." She loves to play hide and seek with him when he gets home from work. It just brings me so much joy to me to share this love for a child with him.
Charlie is also an innovative chef always experimenting and trying new things. He has introduced so many new recipes and foods in our home that the boys and I never knew could exist. I love seafood now and have learned so much from Charlie on how to cook. I now know how to taste the spices in food and identify them and most of all how to host a good party where everyone leaves full. I have yet to learn how to put them all together the way he does.
I am really thankful to share my life with someone as talented and diverse natured as my husband is.
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